The Point of Diminishing Returns

I will be the first one to say that sometimes I am a very overly optimistic person. With that being said I have to ask at what point you say “that’s it”. What is your breaking point? This is an especially difficult ordeal for those of us that feel that we can indeed make a difference no matter what the odds. We are the few that are very good at what we do and cannot accept no for an answer however we also have to be realistic.

With anything worth having in life you will have the issue of Risk vs. Reward. Everything worth having in this world also requires an investment. It can either be an investment of time or money but an investment never the less. Now what you have to do is decide how much of an investment you are willing to put in. I mean I have had a few revelations in the last few months that have made me really take a look at my mortality. I had plans this summer to compete in a few bodybuilding competitions. Well in my quest to be the best I was working wayyyyy too hard between training and my day job and was injured. Now at my age recovering from injuries isn’t anything like it used to be with a few weeks of therapy and I am up back on the horse. I have to determine now if I should cut my losses and take my licks or focus more on training other individuals and live vicariously through them. Do I really need to compete to validate my status as a damn good trainer? That’s the question along with at what point do I know that no matter what I do I will not see the returns on the investment.

The problem is I kinda feel like Brett Favre, where I feel like I still have what it takes. In my mind I just need the time to heal. The other problem is that Bodybuilding is by no means a cheap endeavor either financially, spiritually or emotionally. It takes a serious toll on those around you as well. Everything that you do for that 16-20 week period leading up to the competition date revolves around that ONE day, where you will be on stage for the world to see. Your social life is turned upside down. During competition prep months one can easily spend $700 - $800 a month on food, supplements and training gear. So again I ask the question………….where exactly is the point of diminishing returns? Do I go by how easily it is to get an injury or do I wait till I see myself in a financial funk due to the economy?

I was never raised to be a quitter and I am a very resilient dude. If I fall I get back up. If I am wounded I heal. If I get beat at anything I train harder and come back with a vengeance. This is new territory for me for sure. Not knowing the meaning of the words CAN’T, QUIT, FAIL or DEFEAT can be as much of a curse as it is a blessing and I know that now.

So now I am faced with one of the hardest decisions of my life. I have to seriously evaluate EVERYTHING that has to deal with my livelihood and quality of life. After that I can then tell exactly what is The Point of Diminishing Returns.

Chaos Theory: A Tale of Organized Konfusion

Chaos: a state of utter confusion

It’s a Monday, and I mean that in EVERY sense of the word. One of my favorite movies of all times is Office Space one of the characters in the movie makes reference to someone having a “case of the Mondays”. You would really have to see the movie to get the full effect however you can imagine what brought her to even say that to someone in the first place. Monday in itself can be the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning of the work week and the end of the weekend. The effects of the Monday are magnified if you had a bad weekend or your Monday starts in total and utter chaos. Well needless to say its one of those days. Mt situation is the latter.

See this is one of those “bite you in the ass” situations that really could have been avoided. I work for an organization that for some strange reason has what I call a “God complex”. This means that for whatever reason they feel that the employees “need” them or this job. Not realizing that the skills that the individuals in the IT (Information Technology) field are in HIGH demand.

Well about 5 months ago we had 3 individuals in my section that basically held everything together and as usual were taken advantage of. Well first the Supervisor found a better position and quit. They (being the Management) felt that he left because he was bitter and that it was an isolated situation. So now we were one down. Well as time went forward the abuse grew because now instead of promoting from within they decided to leave the Supervisor position vacant and dump all of his responsibilities on the 2 remaining employees. Almost 1 month to the day after the Supervisor left a second employee decided that the grass (and money) were definitely greener on the other side and accepted a position elsewhere and quit. Now we are down to 1. I voiced my opinion to Them (the management) that they needed to do whatever they could to keep the remaining employee happy to include a promotion (which would have been well deserved). But alas, the God complex is a very prideful thing. They figured that not only did he need this job but that he would not leave knowing that he was the last. Well on Friday he made both a liar and a fool out of them and he is now gone.

Mind you all of the above individuals were very professional and put in the prerequisite 2 weeks notice before they left. So please don’t feel sorry for the Management’s lack of foresight or planning. This has been a process in the making. We still have not filled ANY of the positions and there is not 1 single solitary individual that is trained to do the job that they were trained in. I mentioned this as well but was dismissed as “training cost money”. Well now I will say to the Management that training cost money but it sure in the hell cant cost as much as the mistake of letting 3 talented individuals walk right out the front door.

Chaos is the complexity of causality or the relationship between events. This means that any 'seemingly' insignificant event in the universe has the potential to trigger a chain reaction that will change the whole system. A well known saying in connection with this issue is "A butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world can cause a hurricane on the other side of the earth." This is also known as the "butterfly effect".[1]

So here is the case of the Monday. Now that the final IT guy is gone it is pure and total CHAOS!!! See I failed to mention that we are an IT based establishment!!! No one here is trained on servers, switches or routers to the level that they were. We have no permissions, cant log in or we don’t know why but our monitoring systems are kaput.

Of course I am the calm one. At this point I could really care less. I mean that in every sense of the word. CARE LESS. I AM the type that will say “I told you so”. So instead of me sitting here and telling management now much they really FUCKED UP I decided to pretty much leave them to the fruits of their arrogance. I have very little tolerance for stupidity. Ignorance is forgivable, however when someone tells you flat out what you need to do but you let pride and arrogance get in the way then I have absolutely zero sympathy. That my friend is a SERIOUS case of the Mondays!!!

Resilience

When I was younger I felt that I was loved. I never once thought about or was envious of anyone. I grew up fairly hard (as I know this now) however when you are in that environment you tend not to notice too much because you are actually too busy living. Well, I am older now and I have been blessed to have friends that have come along in my lifetime that all have very different characteristics. From them I have learned things that cannot be taught in ANY classroom; things that have to be EXPERIENCED to be understood.

Now I am going thru a very trying time in my life. I look at this through rose colored glasses though as this can only make me stronger. This is a crossroads point. If you are fortunate in life you will have many crossroads. I have come to find out in time that there is no wrong or right as far as which path to choose as with either path you will learn and grow. Without adversity or difficulty in your life to overcome you are doomed to fall HARD and quite possibly never recover. That won’t be me.

I have been called resilient in my life and I look at that as one of the largest compliments that can be given. For those of you that don’t know the definition if resilient is:

To be characterized or marked by resilience: as a: capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture b: tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change

This is where I dig deep. I reach down into the bowels of my soul and think back on all of life’s experiences. Sometimes I talk to my REAL friends to get a fresh perspective on what they would do or how they would handle a situation. That paradox is needed from time to time. Male thoughts vs. female thoughts. Street mentality vs. classroom mentality. It’s all part of the process.

In the end there can only be one result. When all is said and done and the smoke clears you will realize that I have become stronger than anyone could have ever imagined. I will be that Immovable Object.

You Only Have Regular 87........Really Now?

Ok so here it is. All of a sudden We (I mean that as the collective) are all out of Gas. If you are so lucky as to find any Gas at all, you will only find regular 87 octane (probably watered down) BS. Now here is where the problem for alot of us comes in. My car only takes premium. There are alot of you out there that will say "it doesnt matter". Well how in the hell am I supposed to make that determination? I have a nagging suspicion that says if it didn't need it then it wouldn`t be recommended. So now my question is....what happens next? Is Exxon Mobil going to issue out stimulius checks for those of us that have engine knocks and pings because of inferior fuel? And what in the hell is going on with the $40 limit when you do find a gas station that actually has gas? $40 in your tank now days really equates to nothing.

One last thing for station owners without gas. Please use that huge freaking sign that you are so proud to put $4.87 on to to tell us that you have no gas. I get tired or riding up to a pump to find a 2"x 3" cut out taped to the pup that says in 11 font "Sorry we are out of Gas at this time". Also the lil' baggie wrapped around the pump ain't cuttin' it either. As a matter of fact just close until you do get Gas. I mean if I need groceries then I will go to the freakin' store.

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The Thirst

I don’t know how many of you out there have ever been a rabble-rouser, trouble maker or just plain ol’ mischief maker but that was me back in the day. I have since grown up and out of that destructive train of thought but sometimes a situation will spark up a thought or a thirst if you will. A taste to go back to the way you USED to be just this once to rectify a situation that you know undoubtedly needs to be handled or nipped in the proverbial bud so to speak a situation that can only be handled through PHYSICAL force. Words just won’t suffice.

See…….even thugs have a code. Do what you must to survive but disrespect will NOT be tolerated. That’s it, plain and simple. Unfortunately there are those that have never lived a portion of that life and that do things without fear of the repercussions. They are the ones who cut you in a line like you weren’t there thinking the whole time that you won’t say or do anything. They are the ones that flip you the bird in traffic thinking that you won’t get out at the next light and drag them out of the car and beat the shit out of them. They are the ones that CONSTANTLY run their mouth the whole while thinking that you won’t do or say anything about it. They live to disrespect until someone comes along and puts them in their place. Those are the ones that give me the thirst the worse. They smirk and smile in your face all the while they continue to talk behind your back as if you are deaf to the noise and blind to the facts that they want what you have.

For those of you all that can’t read between the lines let me spell it out for you. There is a certain scenario that involves 3 people, one of which is me. One is a current and one is an Ex. So for whatever reason the Ex can’t seem to let go. This is where the disrespect comes in. There are smirks, smiles and the occasional comments to mutual parties to get a rise out of me. What this person does not understand is that if I do “rise” then someone most certainly will fall. That is a given. To tell you the truth it really has less to do with “them” and everything to do with the disrespect. I could really care less what happened or happens between “them”, I can’t control that. Grown folks are going to do what they do. What I can do though is curtail this arrogant feeling that this person has of “I can get away with anything that I want.” That’s something that IS within my power.

I am by no means a Gangster. I will say that up front. However there are several people that are in the know that will tell you without a shadow of a doubt that “Nine is NOT the one you wanna fuck with!” Before my various anger management classes I was known to have quite a temper. Once I go that route I can’t stop until either there is actually someone in the area that has the physical ability to stop me (which is hardly the case) or I have finished the job at hand. Usually it falls into the category of the latter. I will say that the bigger and stronger that I got over the years the more patient I became. I now know what I am capable of and I try to keep that part of me at bay as often as possible. This is not for show. My strength and stature are VERY functional.

Once that switch is flipped I have no control over what happens next. Temporary insanity is what I think they call it. I couldn’t tell you what happens when I reach that point. I kinda “black out”. All I know is that there is a point where I tell myself that enough is enough, I lose it and lash out……..then minutes later I come back and carnage has ensued. Not your average run of the mill few stitches type but that “oh shit someone call 911 type of wholesale carnage that you actually witness and the whole time are trying to explain but cant.

All the Ranks and Regulations in the world will not stop me. If I do decide to go that route and assault you, trust and believe that EVERYONE from here on out will know that you were on the receiving end of one of the most devastating and thorough beatings known to mankind. Shutting your mouth and cutting your losses is a lot more attractive than slurred speech.

The bottom line here son is keep fucking around if you want and nothing short of Jesus Christ himself will be able to stop me from taking something from you that I did not give. nce to rectify a situation that you know undoubtedly needs to be handled or nipped in the proverbial

Just a Simple Test

You know I am always on the cutting edge of what ever it is that's hot at that point in time so I figure that I would give Office 2007 a try and see if this works

Are You a Democrat or a Racist?

Ok I will probably ramble a little because this entire thing bothers me. I have been a democrat for as long as I have been able to Vote. For 16 voting years I have only had the opportunity to vote for which I felt had my best interest in mind. Well as with most of the lower middle class I feel that the Democrats best describe the changes that I would like to see. Also for my 16 voting years I have never been given the opportunity to vote for an African-American man. This time however he just also happens to be a Democrat.

Now I will tell you what disturbs me the most. There are White Democrats who REFUSE to vote for the man that has been nominated by the Democratic Party as their representative based on the color of his skin. Are you serious!!! See this is where I have an issue. This is where I take policy with these Racist Democrats. As a voting African American Man in this country I have never had a choice. I have had to decipher through all the candidates to find out which ones had African-Americans in their best interest however they were all White. Did I complain about them being White no…………would it have done any good, no………………..would I have voted Republican………..NO. Here is the proverbial kick in the ass……….If Obama was a Black Republican candidate and had the same values that screwed this country up for the last 8 years would I jump ship as a Democrat and vote for him because he was the first African American Candidate………………..No I would NOT, plain and simple.

See as African American voters we don’t have an issue with color. How could we? If would be different if every election we had a multitude of races running but that has not been the case thus far. So we as African American voters will more closely scrutinize the issues to see if they are living up to our standards. I will say for sure and with firm conviction that George W. Bush has not had my best interest in mind. Neither as an African American man nor as a Soldier in the United States Army. I see John McCain as Bush 2.0 or Bush Vista as I would like to call him. A lot of the same ol that has been going on for the last 8 years that Bush has cheated his way into the driver’s seat of the country. Say what you will but I remember how you got voted in BOTH TIMES and it was not even remotely fair. Enough about that.

Now I will touch on the Race issue for a few moments because this is something that is near and dear to me. I was not raised to be a racist individual nor will I allow my children to be Racist. Being Racist in today’s society is a very backwards and destructive process. Steps are being taken however to obliterate racism and I am actually proud to say that I am a part of a generation that takes pride in teaching our children that color does not matter. I will teach my children to be AWARE that racism does exist but should under no circumstances be tolerated.

I am a member of the United States Army and have been for the last 16+ years. Racism in the military is dealt with a zero tolerance policy period. On the battlefield in order to make sound and timely decisions you can’t worry about how many Black, White, Hispanic or Asian Soldiers you have at your disposal. What if every Soldier who has given his life in combat by jumping on a live grenade was to take a count first of how many of each Race he was saving? Sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud right. I don’t have the luxury of being able to read minds so I have to trust that when a decision is made for me by my superiors that the numbers made the difference and not my race.

Earlier this year I had the privilege to travel to Gettysburg. There is a lot of history there. What shocked me the most is that after all these years I had to make that trip to realize that the war was about Race. There were those that decided that they did NOT want to let go of slaves. They needed slaves in the field. Well President Lincoln decided that Slavery was to be abolished and basically a WAR ensued.

I am proud to say that I am a byproduct of the winning team. At that point the country should have started the healing process. In 1865 the Confederate army should have taken their licks and moved on. Here it is over 130 years later and Race is still an issue for those of us that have had an affiliation with a party for 20 years or more. Yes we have made strides for Racial Equality but as this election has taught me………………….we still have a long way to go.

WITH FIRMNESS

IN THE RIGHT

AS GOD GIVES US

TO SEE THE RIGHT

- LINCOLN

I have a deep seeded affiliation with my party as I thought most did until this election. I feel that if you are willing to change your affiliation based solely on the complexion of a man’s skin then you indeed are racist. This might be a revelation to you. Hell you might even have 3 Black friends. (If you do indeed keep a count of your Black friends then I do wonder about you.) But when it comes to running the country you still feel that we are inferior and don’t have the capability to make informed decisions. Despite the Fact that that the Republican Candidate graduated 894 out of a class of 899. Barack Obama who is the Democratic Candidate is a graduate of Columbia University and Harvard Law School, where he served as president of the Harvard Law Review.

I have never been a fan of politics as a whole based off of the fact that we always seem to get screwed in the end. I will say however that I think that the Republicans have shown that clearly they are not capable at this point to lead the nation in education, foreign policy or even with our own fledging economy. So I say. IF you indeed do call yourself a Democrat then vote for the Democratic Nominee. If you call yourself a Democrat and you are voting Republican based on the fact that Barack Obama is African American then you Sir/Ma’am are a Racist………………….plain and simple.

With attitudes like yours our country will never move forward.

Please feel free to click on the pictures above to get a taste of what the reality was in 1860. This is very interesting and mind opening.

Root Canal pt 2

Ok so if you dont know....I really HATE dental work. I mean to the point where I don't really freak out but I get really anxious and my blood pressure goes up. Mostly because I anticipate the aftermath of the pain associated with needles being in my mouth. For some reason I have to have 6-7 shots in my mouth to numb me up. Even with the rub on numbing gel I still feel every single stick until the shit kicks in. Well the Doc knows this so he prescribed valium last night to help me sleep. Needless to say that shit didnt work a bit. I tossed and turned as usual. So he also gave me ativan to calm me donw this morning so we will see how this is going to work. More to follow

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I WILL NOT LOSE!!!!

Finally I have shaken the curse of the Ex, lol. This is NOT about her (there will be plenty of fodder for that later I am sure).

Of course this is one of those things where you have to understand how I am. I don’t take no for an answer. I have to find a way to make something work. Ok so about 5-6 months ago I ordered these headlights off of eBay for my car. Well I get the fucking things and they have the wrong pin-outs (you get what you pay for $79.95 my ass!!!). Check the illustration above for clarity if you don’t know what pin-outs are. So I tell the guy that I want to send them back and get new ones and the Son-of-a-Bitch says that I have to pay for return shipping. Well shit that was half of the value of the damn lights themselves so I was like "Fuck it" I will just leave negative feedback and fix them my damn self. So here it is 6 months later and I finally have time. So I sit down at my dining room table with my tools and take the headlights apart. Well after 3 days and a few work-a-rounds I finally got the pin-outs changed out and got the damn things installed. Tenacious, hard-headed, stubborn and persistent would probably best describe me, but you know what………..I'll be DAT!!!!! BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front) that’s me. I don’t like to lose…………..I have to win. Take it or leave it I

Yea 6 months seems like a long time and some of you out there think that I probably procrastinated but just like most things in life, everything is about timing. Given enough time you just never know what is possible.